Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
