she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
