operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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