True but thats because hes a fetus.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
