when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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