I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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