and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize