We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
