If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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