Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
