Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize