so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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