Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize