is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
