Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
