So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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