I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ladies don't puke and tell
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
