I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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