what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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