whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
