There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
