clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
