He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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