enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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