Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
