is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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