when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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