i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
