these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
