i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
