I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize