is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
