Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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