CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
