So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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