i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How naked do you want me to be?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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