Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
