don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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