You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize