Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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