Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
