Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
