she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it glows. i had to have it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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