On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
