Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
