Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
