Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
