dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there's paper in my vomit.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
