Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Be still, my beating vagina.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
