My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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