I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
