His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
