When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
