I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
