its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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