Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
