hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
