This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
