You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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