1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
