I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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