sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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