I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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