What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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