i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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