I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
