anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
