the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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