the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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