Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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