I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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