Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My penis needs a shock collar
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
