so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
