I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I love you. Go after that dick
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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