She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
