Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
