It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
